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The 3rd Annual KG Media Awards

It’s Oscar Night again my dear readers, so you know what that means: it’s time for the 3rd Annual KG Media Awards! Yes, it’s that time again, where I, your humble narrator, take a look back at 2012 and all the media it produced, and pick the best and worst examples to receive for the highly coveted KG Award.

2012 was an interesting year – one that almost restored my faith in humanity based on results of some of these trends! Battleship tanked, Twilight finally ended, and four movies made over a billion dollars, and hell, three of them deserved it! Music wise, rock actually made something of a comeback, traditional pop acts like Justin Bieber and Katy Perry faltered, and the year’s most popular song was a Korean rap single that almost no one outside of Korea knows the lyrics for. Gaming still stood in the shadow of Skyrim, saw the death of a few new franchises and the rebirth of some old ones. Overall, there have been winners and losers, and just which is which? Without further adieu, let’s get the show started!

Best Picture (Drama)
Lincoln

It was either going to be this or The Master, and in the end, I have to give Spielberg’s Civil War drama its due. The attention to detail, in terms of everything from narrative and portrayal of historical figures to its recreation of 1860s Washington DC and Richmond made this one of the best historical dramas in recent memory – one made all the more powerful by Daniel Day-Lewis’s dominating performance as Abraham Lincoln. This will for years be one of the all-time great Civil War movies, one which any other historical drama of the period will need to measure itself up to in terms of greatness.

Best Picture (Comedy)
The Three Stooges

2012 was a weak year for comedy – all the films that otherwise would have deserved this award were animated, otherwise, I’d have given this to Wreck-it Ralph. So yeah, by default, this goes to the only comedy that actually got some laughs out of me, The Three Stooges. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a funny movie, and I enjoyed it – but the fact that it got an award here for being 2012’s best Comedy is a sad statement about the state of modern comedies.

Best Picture (Action)
The Avengers

2012 was a damned great year for action fans, ranging from old school action thrillers like The Expendables 2 and Dredd to what may be the best James Bond movie ever made with Skyfall, and yet the movie that would dominate 2012 across all categories was one we’d been waiting five years for: The Avengers. Not only did it meet every expectation and desire of the film, it surpassed them, and left audiences coming back for more, again and again. It proved you can make a comic book movie great without going to too-popular ‘Dark and Realistic’ route, that crossovers are possible and feasible, and that being loyal to the fan base and the material can pay off dividends. It had a great script, great cast, great story, and by the post-credit scenes, you’re already planning the next time you can buy a ticket. We had a good many great hits in action this year, but with the exception of Skyfall, it was the only one where it absolutely needed a Home Run, and delivered a grand slam.

Best Picture (Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Animation)
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

This is how a prequel should be done – loosely connected to the original series, not afraid to blze off in different and new directions, and stands as a good movie in its own right. Now that we know 48fps was a mistake, let’s acknowledge that the movie is a funny, tense adventure film that boasts some of the year’s best visuals and some of the most memorable moments, all while staying loyal to the Tolkien-esque tone and Jackson’s style of the original books and movies. If the sequels can meet and surpass this, The Hobbit will have lived up to its potential and more.

Best Picture (Overall)
The Avengers

This is more than the best comic book movie ever made – this has done for comic book movies what Star Wars did for Science Fiction and what the Lord of the Rings did for Fantasy, ie, proved that a movie based on a comic book can stay true to its origins, aim for popular appeal, and not have to be ultra-serious to be a great movie. There is a reason why every studio in Hollywood is scrambling to revamp their comic book movie titles after this – because years from now, we are going to look back at the Avengers when we talk about comic book movies the same way we look back at Star Wars when we talk about science fiction.

Worst Picture (Drama)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II

The Twilight franchise has become a benchmark in bad cinema and troubling pop culture trends, and it makes all too much sense that a series that has already condoned pedophilia, rape, abusive relationships and selling soft-core porn to kids should sink even lower in its last installment. The most horrifying CGI baby since the late 90s. Taylor Lautner, in what one hopes will be the last movie role he ever gets, seduces and romances a small child. An ending where, admitting the ending from the books was actually too awful to put to screen, they insert a cheap-looking battle they stole from the X-Men only to reveal it was just a dream. Its tale of true love proves as cheap and disgusting as how Kristen Stewart gets movie roles. The good news is, there’s no more of these – the bad news is, there’s only six dozen knock offs and potential successors, as well as a rumored reboot. Lock up your daughters – seriously, we can’t let any of them be successful.

Worst Picture (Comedy)
That’s my Boy

In a year filled with awful comedies, that this is the worst says something. Adam Sandler has sunk pretty low in recent years, but never had he gone this low. The normally PG-13 comedian goes all-out in his first R-rated comedy, and unfortunately, that means we get a movie where child molestation is one of the central plot points of the movie, and it only goes downhill from there. It tanked, and for good reason, and good riddance.

Worst Picture (Action)
Battleship

Holy crap, what a mess this movie was. This is one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched, something I must not have been alone in thinking, seeing as my review is my most read post on the site. There’s just so much wrong with the movie – the concept. The execution. That it exists. The god-awful acting, the unlikeable and often offensive characters. The retched script and atrocious dialog. The special effects which, given the film cost a quarter of a billion dollars even before marketing, look on par with a SyFy original movie, and it’s not uncommon to see them either rip off a scene from another movie or reuse footage from this one. The fact is makes disabled veterans into an offensively bad story arc. About the only good thing I have to say about it is Rihanna didn’t get a music number to go with her extraordinary amount of screen time. It says a lot about Hollywood’s contempt for the moviegoer that this was not only greenlit, but made a summer tent pole for a major studio – and its oddly reassuring that those same moviegoers made it one of the year’s biggest bombs. That’s right Hollywood – we sank your Battleship!

Worst Picture (Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Animation)
Cloud Atlas

I almost gave this to Snow White and the Huntsman, but in the end, I had to pick Cloud Atlas for a number of reasons. The Wachowski’s haven’t made a good movie since the original Matrix, and haven’t made a profitable movie since V for Vendetta, so when I say this is an all-time low in terms of both for the paring, I hope it speaks volumes. The plot is an unholy mess, the special effects nothing to write home about, and the performances from its cast all over the place, in terms of quality, just who they are, and more often than not, offensiveness – the fact they already made this movie before when they called it The Fountain is just another strike. If we never see another movie from these hacks, it will still be too soon – something that should give anyone who had hopes for the Justice League movie pause.

Worst Picture (Overall)
Battleship

This is what happens when a Michael Bay movie makes a billion dollars – the suits in Hollywood put more crap in the trough and expect Joe Public to eat more and ask for seconds. The fact that it exists should scare anyone who looks at pop culture as a sign of the times – just as the fact it is one of the biggest box office bombs in history should give us hope, that there are certain lines the moviegoer still won’t cross. This is probably the worst movie if the year, but remember, we entered the year where this was a major studios summer tent pole feature – we left it where Hollywood had been taught that people won’t just go see any movie. Also, it should be a while before we see Taylor Kitsch or Rihanna star in a movie again, so that’s a plus.

Most Underrated Movie
Chronicle

How can a movie that got 85% on Rotten Tomatoes and made close to fifteen times its budget be 2012’s most underrated movie? Because I’m willing to bet at least half of the people reading this haven’t seen it yet, and I will scream from the mountaintops until you do. Given the number of comic book movies, found footage movies, indie movies, movies with young/unknown cast and crew there have been in the last few years, listen to me when I saw that CHRONICLE IS BETTER THAN NEARLY ALL OF THEM – I’d say this was one of 2012’s best movies, and one we will look back in a few years as the start of something major.

Most Overrated Movie
Beasts of the Southern Wild

It seems like every critic on the planet wet their pants watching this movie, so let me be the first to tell every one of them to get over themselves. Where others saw a movie full of whimsy and wonder, I saw a pretentious mess of a movie, one that combines the worst qualities of a number of tropes that big the hell out of me and the end combination is appalling – I’ll leave you to guys what, but this was the movie Spike Lee should have been furious about, not Django Unchained. There’s no real overriding plot, the themes of the movie are completely mishandled, and the acting and dialog are terrible – there’s an entire monolog about how this boat captain keeps chicken biscuits wrappers because he thinks they have souls – this movie should be a laughingstock, not a best picture nominee. This is 2012’s Juno – an awful, contrived, deeply flawed movie that we’ll only remember a few years from now for being an awful, contrived, deeply flawed movie that briefly pulled the wool over the eyes of the critics.

Plus, Hayao Miyazaki made this movie twelve times before, and I liked it better when Hushpuppy was called Ponyo.

Flop that should have been a Hit
Dredd

I almost wanted to scream as I watched this movie flop – in spite of great reviews and being a high-quality, cutting edge sci-fi action thriller, thanks to next to no marketing from Lionsgate, this otherwise fantastic film was written off as a flop. This was the Judge Dredd movie fans had been waiting decades for – the action scenes are some of the year’s best, the cinematography and direction top-notch, and the story and characters are both well-handled and enjoyable. Given that the movie has sold briskly on DVD, sparked an uptick in interest in Judge Dredd, and has a devoted fanbase, this may pull a Boondock Saints in terms of coming back from the dismissal to form a franchise. One can only hope, I certainly would love to see a follow-up for Judge Dredd and Mega City One.

Hit that should have been a Flop
The Dark Knight Rises

I said it once when the movie came out. I said it again when the DVD came out. I’ll say it again now: this movie was terrible, and we’re already seeing many people draw out the knives to cut this movie to ribbons now that the fanboys stopped sending people death threats. Let me tell you why: the story is a mess, it’s riddles with plot holes and half-finished plot points, has clunky and awful dialog, truly terrible acting and characters, many of whom could have been cut from the film, laughable choreography and cinematography, and overall, is one of the years worst movies. It’s a perfect example of what happens when a franchise or director become critic proof, and years from now, I reckon this will serve for the ‘Dark and Gritty’ comic book movie what Batman and Robin does for the ‘Bright and Colorful’ school of comic book movies – as a guide how not to do them.

Best Remake
Dredd

In a year that gave us the comic book movie fans had been waiting decades for, the James Bond movie fans had been waiting decades for, and the action hero movie fans had been waiting decades for, few would have thought 2012 was the year we’d get the Judge Dredd movie we’d been waiting decades for – despite not knowing we needed it right until we watch it.

Worst Remake
The Amazing Spiderman

Reboot by left foot, this was, for all intents and purposes, a watered down remake of Spiderman, that somehow not only managed to have a worse script, less memorable moments, and most shockingly of all, cheaper looking special effects, but all of the ‘new’ material it promised to cover in the film is all held off for the sequel – one which thanks to the box office numbers, it will likely get. Don’t cry to me when it’s just a retread of Spiderman 2.

Best Sequel/Prequel
The Avengers

First crossover in cinematic history, pulled off without a hitch. In a movie industry where there are two dozen sequels a year, when one such sequel manages to not only be the first of its kind, but does so this effortlessly, I’d say it deserves some recognition.

Worst Sequel/Prequel
The Dark Knight Rises

Not only does Dark Knight Rises take every given opportunity to shoot itself in the foot, but it does so in such a way that actually manages to make Batman Begins and The Dark Knight less effective as movie themselves. Don’t believe me? Remember how in Dark Knight, the entire point of the film was that the Joker couldn’t make the city turn on itself? Now watch as Bane gets Gotham to eat each other by waving a piece of paper in front of them while doing an awful Sean Connery impression. As mentioned twice before, it was the first of many.

Thanks for making rebooting Batman so much easier Nolan. Try not to ruin Superman on your way out.

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis

At this point, I almost feel sorry for any actor who gets nominated for Best Actor the same year as Daniel Day-Lewis. The man is almost always a lock, given he is likely the best actor of this generation, and he always gives his roles 150%, his turn as Abraham Lincoln being no exception. Everything from his makeup, to his movements to his monologues just screamed Lincoln-esque – the man personified the 16th President in a way only a true master of the craft could, and as a result, he takes the award.

Best Actress
Jennifer Lawrence

Sorry Anne Hathaway, but 2012 belongs to Jennifer Lawrence, hands down. From plunging an arrow through the heart of paranormal romance in Hunger Games, to earning her second Oscar nomination in Silver Linings Playbook, Lawrence has proven Katniss Everdeen may not be the only Girl on Fire, and in the process, has shown that 20-somethings in Hollywood that good looks can only take them so far.

Breakout Actor/Actress/Director/Screenwriter
Anyone involved with Chronicle

This especially goes to director Josh Trank, screenwriter Max Landis, and actor Dane DeHaan, and part of what made Chronicle such a breath of fresh air is that in addition to being a bang-for-your-buck brilliant and original action thriller, is that it offers a crop of fantastic young talent like none to be seen anywhere else in Hollywood. There’s a reason why everyone involved with the film has ten different rumored projects at the moment, and why I’ll bet years from now, Chronicle was the start of something major – the movie, and the people involved are going to be game changers.

Worst Actor
Taylor Kitsch

Ever wonder what would happen if you took the guy who played Gambit in X:Men Origins Wolvarine, whose only major roles previously were in such classics like Snakes on a Plane and The Covenant, and then arbitrarily decided to have him front three of the year’s biggest tentpole pictures? You say he’d fail horribly and likely hurt all three of these films? Then congrats, you are more qualified to work in Hollywood than whomever did the casting for John Carter, Battleship, and Savages. Hollywood took a half-billion dollar gamble on turning him into an A-lister and rolled snake-eyes – enjoy telling your grandkids why you aren’t allowed in Los Angeles Kitsch!

Worst Actress
Kristen Stewart

Marking her second KG Award for Worst actress, she literally hit rock bottom in her three major roles this year – Her performance in On the Road was so dismal, I expected Jack Kerouac to rise from the grave and strangle her, her latest and thankfully last turn as Bella reached new lows in a role already legendary in terms of awfulness, and Snow White and the Hunstman not only proved her acting isn’t the only thing she does that sucks, but she actually is being written out of the likely sequel because none of her cast mates want to work with her again. Stewart always says how much she hates being famous – this was the year literally everyone else started hating her for being famous too.

Failed Breakout Actor/Actress
Taylor Kitsch

Kitsch began this year as the star of three the years highest profile releases, John Carter, Battleship and Savages. As all three flopped and got ravaged by critics and moviegoers alike, he ended it likely never able to get a major role again. It’s almost like Hollywood shouldn’t have tried to promote a hack TV actor to the A-list based on nothing but a whim… look on the upside Taylor, you got a few KG Awards to take with you on your way back to the D-list!

Best Album
Carolus Rex by Sabaton

While the Grammys may not see it, this was really the year that proved that the single had replaced the album – while there are no shortage of great songs from this year, there really wasn’t any great albums, so I had to turn toward an unlikely source – of the few albums I bought this year, which one did I listen to the most? And the winner, is Carolus Rex, by Swedish power metal band Sabaton. One of the best metal albums in recent memory, in terms of unique tone, style and lyrics, its proof that the Euro metal scene is more than able to make up the slack for America’s silence – and that the time for a Euro metal invasion me soon be at hand. See Carolus rise indeed!

Best Song
Gangnam Style by PSY

In a year dominated by the usual offerings of decent indie rock and twee pop crap, it’s telling that the biggest shakeup for music this year was a Korean rap single. With a whacky music video that as of now, has close to 1.4 billion views and still growing on YouTube, with no signs of slowing, the song made PSY world famous, has him doing concert tours and cameos across the globe, and may prove to be the final proof that music is now a global game. Watch your ass Top 40…

Worst Album of the Year
Overexposed by Maroon 5

Talk about truth in advertising. Maroon 5 was always looking to be the new Nickelback, ie, the rock band that the Top 40 charts looks to keep pop fans from turning to rock and roll, but this album made it official. While they had some semblance of being a rock band, sometime between Moves like Jaeger and Payphone, they’ve become just another pop act – one that might as well be relabeled Adam Levine and those four guys we’ll cut out in post production. In a year that had a surprising amount of good rock, from indie artists like fun. and Goyte to albums from the Euro metal scene, this was a painful reminder that rock isn’t back in business quite yet.

Worst Song
Starships by Nikki Minaj

Minaj’s album Roman Reloaded was a near miss for worst album of the year, but there was never any doubt that this would be the worst song. I never understood the appeal of Nikki Minaj in the first place, as she always struck me as one of a half-dozen whack-jobs that acted crazy because Lady Gaga did, this year was when the rest of the world seemed to realize what a hack she was, Starships being a big reason why. There’s no rhyme, no rhythm, just what sounds like six different songs hodgepodge together – all of which are awful. Top it off with some of the most inane lyrics this year, and you have 2012’s worst song.

Breakout Artist of the Year
PSY

The biggest act on the planet this year didn’t even speak English. Let that sink in for a moment. Whether PSY belts out hits for years to come, or proves to be a flash in the pan one hit wonder, remember, the last time we had a foreign artist do near this well, it changed the look and tone of pop music for almost a decade – as I said before, if Gangnam Style leads to a pop scene influenced by K-pop and not by Ke$ha and Katy Perry, I’m more than looking forward to such a shift.

Oddest Muscial Trend of the Year
People who sound like The Police/Sting

Ranging from Goyte’s Somebody that I used to Know to Bruno Mars’ Locked out of Heaven, there seemed to be dozens of singles that aped the signature style of Sting and the Police, but you know what? I’m oddly okay with it, given both that almost all of these were great, and that Sting himself has been quiet for years, I’m more than good with others imitating/ripping off the Police if the results are as good as this year.

Best Game of the Year
X-Com: Enemy Unknown

A remake of one of the greatest strategy games of all times, it goes without saying this game had big shoes to fill – that it did so marvelously is testament to both the loyal and loving attention paid to both the game and its source material, and it balanced treading old ground with introducing new ground as well, and the result is the 2012 Game of the Year, and further proof that there is potential in rebooting old game franchises.

Worst Game of the Year
Mass Effect 3

Mass Effect 3 is a good game up until the last twenty minutes – so what does it say about those last twenty minutes that it not only made this the year’s worst game, but it killed the reputation of both the Mass Effect franchsie and Bioware, sparked outrage big enough to force release of another ending, and has for intents and purposes, become a running joke in the gaming community? Red light, Green light or blue light, the result is the same – disaster.

Most Similar Movies
Mirror Mirror and Snow White and the Hunstman

Both involve a reboot of the classic Snow White fable, and yes, both of them are awful. One was an oddball Bollywood-esque comedy with tongue firmly in cheek. The other rips off basically every fantasy film ever made, ranging from Labyrinth, to Pan’s Labyrinth, to Lord of the Rings to Princess Mononoke. I give the edge to Mirror Mirror, because it seems to at least know it’s bad, and that the movie hasn’t taken on creepy undertones when you realize the guy making the movie is sleeping with the lead.

Biggest Celebrity Supernova
Lindsay Lohan

Just when you thought she couldn’t sink any lower… after the last half-decade turned Lindsey Lohan from an up-and-comer to a running joke, 2012 was when she was handed a paint-by-numbers comeback anyone else would have nailed, ranging from a spread in Playboy, cameos on Glee and SNL, and roles in both the heavily hyped Elizabeth Taylor movie and one of the most talked about indie-movies in ages. Instead, all of her performances bombed, her legal troubles grew, and her bratty and unprofessional performance behind the scenes was the subject of a lengthy expose that may get a movie-deal when Lohan inevitably ODs. She started the year with talk of a comeback – she ended it in scores of legal troubles and so broke she’s working as a high-price escort. On the ups, she’s no longer a running joke, because this has ceased to be funny.

Biggest WTF Moment
Paul McCartney and Nirvana do a gig together

To think it only took one of the worst disasters in New York history to do it, but for the concert for aid for Hurricane Sandy, not only did the three surviving members of Nirvana take the stage for the first time since Kurt Cobain’s death, but Paul McCartney of the Beatles takes the microphone as the four belt out a new song that ended up as one of the year’s best. Though there are no tour dates as of yet, this was for however brief a moment, a band straight out of rock-and-roll heaven.

Most Underrated Celebrity Death
Neil Armstrong

Here is a man whose deeds will ensure he is remembered as long as there are humans to know his name, having been the first man in human history to set foot on the soil of another world. He dies, and not only does he not get magazine covers, more than a blurb on the news, but half the people who heard about it asked if he was the guy who won the Tour de France. One small step back for man indeed…

Most Overrated Celebrity Death
Whitney Houston

Like Amy Winehouse before her, let’s be honest folks and ask when the last time before her death that you heard Whitney Houston’s name and thought ‘musician’ rather than ‘druggie/drunk/Bobbie Brown’s Rihanna’. She’s barely stayed on the radar thanks to her past glories as one of the greatest singers to ever belt out a tune, and was more known for being an addict up until her death. The only thing worse was half the people calling her death a tragic loss were the ones who a few weeks prior made fun of her lifestlyle. Don’t buy what the magazine covers said – Whitney Houston as we knew and loved died in the mid 1990s, they just tried to get you to shed a tear now so you can buy her records at a higher price.

Coolest Action Scenes
The Expendables 2

This very well could have gone to Dredd or The Avengers, but what pushed this over the edge for Expendables 2 was the climax – one that sees the Action Hero Holy Trinity mow down an airport full of baddies alongside Chuck Norris, and finishes with a brutal battle to the death between Sly Stallone and Jean Claude van Damme. The Expendables 3 has one hell of a tough act to follow.

Best Onscreen Romance
Daniel Craig and Naomie Harris, Skyfall

James Bond is no stranger to romance, but part of what made his tyst in Skyfall withBond girl Naomi Harris so interesting is the genuineness, as well as they playful barbs between them, and that it, in contrast to your usual Bond relationship, it feels more like a coupling than a seduction, and the end product is made all the better once the big twist with Naomi Harris kicks in before the end.

Best Line of Dialogue
Puny God. – The Hulk/Mark Ruffalo, The Avengers
What makes you think this is my First Time? – James Bond/Daniel Craig, Skyfall (tie)

In the first ever tie over a KG Award, in both instances, this was the moment when the movie erased any doubt in the viewers mind that you were witnessing the greatest movie in comic book movie/spy thriller history, where everyone is caught so off guard that the audience can’t decide to laugh or cheer, and ends up doing both.

Longest 15 Minutes of Fame
Taylor Kitsch

There have been a long line of twenty-something’s who Hollywood tries to tell us are the next big thing and then we all watch as they land on their ass – hell, I almost started the KG Award for Worst Breakout Actor/Actress last year because of 2011’s model, Alex Pettyfer. Somehow though, Taylor Kitsch went above and beyond to remind us he’s only famous because Hollywood wants him to be, and thanks to a combination of all of his star vehicles crashing and burning, and his own lack of talent/personality, we will likely never have to suffer through his attempts at acting again.

Best Media Trend of the Year
The Year the Fanboys took over

If there was one unifying them across the media in 2012, it was that for the desires of the fanbase were met and delivered in scores of different ways. Like Horror Movies? Cabin in the Woods wants you to stop by on a trippy visit. Like comic book movies? The Avengers have assembled for you. Like old school action? The Expendables 2 will blow you away. Judge Dredd? Dredd stands and delivers. James Bond? Skyfall has 007 at his best since Ian Flemming first penned him. Tolkien? Prepare to rub Star Wars’ fans noses in the fact The Hobbit proves prequels can be great. Star Wars? Disney just ensured Fatbeard will never ruin your childhood again, and will give you a Boba Fett movie and Episode VII or your troubles.

Across the board, this was the sort of year fans usually only dream of, and the resulting optimism has the movie industry looking better than ever in many eyes – here’s hoping this is a trend.

Biggest Media B****out of the Year
Failing to admit they sensationalized the Treyvon Martin Shooting

While sensationalist journalism is always at a fever pitch, especially in election years, 2012 saw a number of stories break that not only proved false soon after, but were often outright lies. This was most notable in the aftermath of the Treyvon Martin shooting, which was made out to be a hate crime by a gun-toting white militia wanabee named George Zimmerman – once it had sparked small riots, protests, and thanks to Spike Lee, an innocent elderly couple got dragged out of their home and nearly beaten when Lee said their address was where Zimmerman lived, then the truth came out that, not only was Martin on drugs and twice the age and body size reported by the media, who also altered the police recordings when played on their channels, but the case against Zimmerman (who it turns out, was Latino) was dropped when the shooting was ruled in self-defense, because Zimmerman was hospitalized due to injuries sustained from Martin attacking him. Not one apology or admittance of wrong doing was ever issued. Stay classy traditional media – I suddenly feel less guilty about the Internet putting most of you out of work.

Worst Media Trend of the Year
Reality Television reaches new lows

As Television stations struggle for ratings, reality television continues to be the go option for cheap crap that gets viewers, with an ungodly amount of content dedicated towards Housewives, Pawn Shops, Gold Mining and a few other curious focus’ forming the lion’s share of new shows. Yet none come close to being as bad as Honey Boo Boo, a show revolving around a hillbilly family consisting of a morbidly obese mother, a teenage mother, her baby that has three thumbs, a pig, a series of different men, and a morbidly obese eight year old who forms the focus of the show. Ignoring the fact that the child will likely die by age 15 if nothing changes, I don’t know what’s more worrisome: that this is on The Learning Channel, that no one has called Child Protective Services on them, or that the show got better ratings than the Presidential debates.
*******
That, my dead readers, brings us to the end of the KG Awards and my round up of the best in culture from last year. To this year’s award winners, I say congratulations! For all of my readers, if you disagree with my picks, feel I snubbed somebody or something, or thought of another category or award, please leave me comment or send me a message. Until then, good night everyone!

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